One is just not enough
For it puts me in a rare bliss
Going without it, is just so rough
For every time I see you
I just want to kiss you, its just so hard to resist
Because its all I want to do
For that one time we had kissed...
Was like a drug, so addicting
But also like breathing so natural
Why is it so contradicting
I just hope these feelings are mutual
For all I want now is your kiss
Its my first completely happy poem that I believe I have put up here :0 wow I should post more happy stuff
But enough with my ramblings
Comments and favorites are always welcomed hehe :3
There were several things I would have picked up as grammatical issues or just issues in general but I couldn't because that would mess with your rhyming scheme.
I also agree with Matt on your over reliance on cliché and how this could be anyone's poem.
I can sense the feeling is there, just go out there and make it your poem... Rather than a perfectly rhyming stream of clichés.
The problem that I have with this poem is that it relies far too much on clichés. There is nothing incredibly original about this poem and it doesn’t really have an impact on me because it doesn’t really say much. You could’ve written this poem as such: “I hate being without you, kiss me” and it wouldn’t be much different.
What about your partner makes them so special? Why do you need them so much? Are there any specific details you like about them? What about the kiss makes it so special? These are the types of questions you need to ask yourself and things you need to write about to make your poem stand out from the multitude of poems that already exist on the subject.
As far as technique goes, the poem is repetitious in using the word “for...” to start lines. It also lacks correct punctuation and suffers from a very basic rhyme scheme that I believe let you fall into the use of cliches.
That being said, you have an interesting idea for the poem, that kissing your partner is natural like breathing. Expand on that idea and show us why.
It's a very simple yet poetic poem that really feels happy, heck I feel happy just by reading it and now I just want to kiss a girl.